Miserable dog relentlessly mocked by owner

"Help someone please, I'm pink and I have pom pom paws. Which, if you can tell by the look on my face, is nothing I feel like cheering about. It makes everything I do seem like it should be exciting. But it's not. My life sucks. The most exciting part of my day is when this crazy bitch gives me a hug and I nearly suffocate in her cleavage."