Wednesday, January 27, 2010



I should buy, oh well >>

Monday, May 18, 2009

Overenthusiastic bloggers bring unexpected positivity to hemroids

"Top 10 awesome things to do while standing up!"

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Friday, May 1, 2009

Ninjananner to break new ground in food tourney

look for him in the 2009 Quietest Food Competition as he takes on perennial favorite Mashed Potatoes.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Friday, April 24, 2009

I am the scariest brownie you have ever seen

and yes, my eyes taste like jelly beans.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Go jogging in the park with THESE babies on

Bonus points for jumping in a
pickup soccer game and acting insane.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Hi Alex, it's me A-rod

"Come here, you dirty little slugger.
What do you wanna do, huh? You wanna....
Don't touch me there. OMG, I want you so bad.
I could eat pastries off your abs."

Monday, March 16, 2009

The 2012 Enigma

it has begun.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Beware of the GINGER RAGE

"At least all you other minorities have a place of refuge.
A place where everyone looks like you.
All we have is — Wendy's."

Friday, March 6, 2009

In these tough times

you can always count on Sheep-Pig.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Let, go

You don't understand.
He holds me like this - all the time.
He seriously doesn't let go.

I think he has actual feelings for me.
I mean, who takes their cat to Wal-Mart Portrait Studio
and buys the $200 package?
And when we came home, I think he tried to tongue kiss me.
He had his eyes closed.
It was weird.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Now look what you did

No one takes my sketti o's silly.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Productivity is relative

"Ha Haaa! I did way more shit than you guys today."

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Monday, February 9, 2009

figaro, figaro, figaro, figaro,


Friday, February 6, 2009

The best mouse trap money can buy

Protect your family from the dangers of rodents with Murder Mouse®.
  • Murder Mouse comes vacuum sealed and super compact, great for squeezing into tight spaces.
  • Murder Mouse comes equipped with loaded mini machine gun.
  • Murder Mouse is trained to befriend other mice.
  • Just use the included remote to turn off Murder Mouse's feelings to trigger killing spree.
You press the button, Murder Mouse finishes the job. Order your hit today!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Which me is looking at you?

"My guess is, if you had to pick, you'd rather the right me was looking at you, since the left me is the me that is most likely to eat your throat."

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

I don't have rabies

but you should see me eat corn

Monday, February 2, 2009

You cannot have my panna cakes

"I will swat at any forks or knives that try to take a my panna cakes away from me. These are my panna cakes. And I will not hesitate to slime you with one or more of my nanner arms."

Friday, January 9, 2009

In other news

awkward moments at work are on the rise

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Miserable dog relentlessly mocked by owner

"Help someone please, I'm pink and I have pom pom paws. Which, if you can tell by the look on my face, is nothing I feel like cheering about. It makes everything I do seem like it should be exciting. But it's not. My life sucks. The most exciting part of my day is when this crazy bitch gives me a hug and I nearly suffocate in her cleavage."

Wednesday, December 17, 2008


"There you are! We're your assigned demons — pick a happy song and we'll play it in your face for 10,000 years"

Monday, December 15, 2008

Making out with the mirror just got interesting

press play to set the mood

Monday, December 8, 2008

Optimistic snake heralded for positive outlook on life

"Being a snake is like, so awesome. I would trade legs for a forked tongue that scares the crap out of people any day. I find life so rewarding, I mean, what could be better than slithering around looking for things to eat that are bigger than my head... and then swallowing them whole, without chewing. Yay me!"

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Friday, November 14, 2008

Ya'll have any Applebee's coupons?

because we're about to put on our Crocs® and head on over.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Ok, so who's ready for cake?

sorrrrrry vegetarians

man, I wish I was at that baby shower

for instance, who's cutting the cake?
were their eyes open?

were people saying things like:
"do you want the foot or part of the forehead?"

and what happens if nobody eats it?

theres no good way to get rid of a baby cake

what do you do?

you can't chop it into little pieces

you can't just throw the whole thing in a dumpster

really, about the best thing you could do is
leave it on someones front porch,
ring the doorbell and run

Monday, November 10, 2008

Hang 11

"Bro, check me out...
isn't that what the kids are saying these days?"

Thursday, November 6, 2008

He cries scars

that's how sensitive he is

Psycho seal - a lesson in being photogenic

"please drip before he takes it,
please drip before he takes it"

Monday, November 3, 2008

LOOOoook into my eyesssssss

"mav - er - ick"

Friday, October 31, 2008

Baby food stuffed baby stuffed turkey

It starts with the architecture of a 15- to 20-pound semi-boneless turkey -- the wings and drumsticks remain -- that is stuffed with a baby that is stuffed in turn with baby food. After layering the poultry with stuffing, the pile is whomped together, sewn, greased, hoisted into a pan and roasted. It will feed at least 20 people.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Not funny anymore

"give - me - back - my - Boys - II - Men - CD - right - NOW"

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Smell my belly button

"stop it, that tickles"

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Innocent man rant

"I'm a normal person like everyone else, I swear,

Just because I look intense and sad at the same time and never blink
doesn't mean I'm not friendly.

I don't get why no one will start a conversation with me.

or laughs at my jokes.

It's such bullshit.

It's not fair, why do people think I'm crazy,

HEY, what are you doing?!
stop drawing me, god damnit and

what the eff,
are you insane?! no WONDER people think i'm a murderer,

stop scanning that!

Monday, October 20, 2008

A homeless guy's dream

"omg, quarters"

Friday, October 17, 2008

Where you at Selleck?!

it's better close up, right?

If reincarnation is real

shotgun Selleck-chest-hair-sprinkles

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

"We still love you"

"just kidding" - everyone

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

"We still love you"

"just kidding" - your parents

Friday, October 10, 2008

Panda Rant

"it's just bamboo,
I wasn't gonna hit you with it, shit man, relax...
it's what I eat,
I eat bamboo...
fucking, you guys with your cameras,
ever since digital stupid photography got invented you idiots have to capture everything"

"ooooh, I'm eating,
I'm a bear
with fur that makes my eyes look bigger than they actually are
ooh, scary and cute
the perfect combo
oooh, pandas
let's take pictures of them trying to have a snack
and put them on the internet"


"you guys are awesome"

Thursday, October 9, 2008

The Gobbler

The McCain neck says:

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Wax on, Wax off

"if you believe it, it's true"

Friday, October 3, 2008

Your jibba jabba, you will quit

"size matters not, sucka!"

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

He who hesitates


Monday, September 29, 2008

Why are y'all giggling?

"so anyways, the storm was crazy man, the roof got –
ok, seriously man, this is some bullshit, I thought ya'll wanted to hear about the storm. What do y'all fuckers keep laughin at?!"